Remember the week when I had no bad things? Well, that changed into a month of exclusively bad things!
Perhaps I am exaggerating. Yes, I got a job and Yes I got a bike. But academics is fooooooked. And so is my physical strength at 5 pm every day. And I am afraid, so is my mental health gonna be soon. I am waking up late at night, watching Netflix or scrolling mindlessly on 9gag. I have simply removed the bedsheet off my bed so I don't have to make bed every morning. Now every day, I know what I am going to do... I have an agenda and that is to WORK FOR SOMEONE TO EARN MONEY!$@&*%!. Why should I care about my mental health now? Or watch more movies or lessen them? What's the point of going after people, chasing civilly and asking them to come and sit with the party members to learn more about their own country's politics. Why? After 5 pm, then an hour-long stressing ride on the bike, I am EXHAUSTED at 6 ok. I don't want to do anything till tomorrow then. Not even academics. Not this blog. I hate where this job is leading me. I have stopped studying, to be honest. It has been two weeks since I opened any library book too. What have I become? Is this what a job means? Is this what earning and 9-5 look like? Ughhhh
Because I know it is bad, I will not let it stay. I won't yeah. Small or slow, no matter how I will not stop. I will grow out. Yes. But ... in the name of all, that's sane and holy, HOW???
I will post this on Reddit and ask for help. There I have a history of getting help, comprehensively. Oh and yeah, from now on, I WILL SKATE. It's been weeks since I skated. Perhaps a month. Now I will skate after dinner every day to get the physical excursion needed to stay active. And slowly, I will try to make the bed again daily. And again start reading in the small breaks at the job. After these papers are over, I will start working for the party again. Till these are over (13 June), the party can take a break. And well, this blog is here and will go as usual. I have also started posting daily on Instagram under the #diaryofasenselesswanderer. For daily posts, you can look me up there.
This is what I will do. Small changes. Slow and gradual and hopefully, by the end of this month (today is 01 June), I will have concreted again the habit of making the bed, reading books, writing the weekly grateful journal and studying just enough to get me a degree. And well ... let's be completely honest here. I have started learning a lot too. At job and with United Pakistan, the economy of Pakistan is becoming more and more interesting and clear. So is WordPress. And ... I got a good set of coworkers and a good boss. I guess the world is not all bad :)
How are you? How was your month?
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