March was … quick. I did feel February passing, and January passing, but March passed like wooosh!!! went right by m’side. I am not sure but … does this not happen when you are doing something you like? There is this concept that I read a long time ago, “how-quick-time-passes” by some scholar. “One second on a hot stove feels like centuries but centuries with your love seem one second.” I guess things must be going well huh. I surely do hope so!
The biggest regret of this month is that I did not muster up the courage to go and get an experience certificate from the place I did the internship back in February. Postponing became procrastination and now, after almost a month of leaving the place, I am pondering upon the possibility of simply not asking for one. I relied on a person who works there. That was a mistake. Then the whole office went AWOL. Then came the weeklong holidays where Pakistan celebrated the wealthy progress of its Armed forces, i.e. 23rd March, Pakistan Army Day. At the end of March, here I am as clueless and tired as a dictator by the end of his/her reign. Ex-general Musharraf and I both have no experience certificate from RIC NUST. Sadddddd
I am being way too jolly. There is an upcoming exam that I haven’t been able to decipher shit. What the fook is Statistics anyways? Paranormally trying to fit abnormal numbers in a normal distribution, so we can get shkewed or shemi shkewed bell-bottom graphs!?!? Like trigonometry, logarithms, and theorems, I will now use statistics too to understand math memes. Today I learnt that what I have been calling an “average” before today is actually the “Arithmetic mean” of any group of numbers. This does not improve my day.
I have started basketball. I have quit the gym; this time with a better excuse though, I can’t bring my body to increase weight anyhow. The trainer told me of this condition, where no matter how much you eat, you don’t gain weight. Simple as that. I hope he is wrong but I know he is right *crying noises*
My Instagram got hacked. AGAIN. Even though the password this time was like 16 characters long, still, IDK who the fuck (pardon my French) is interested in getting my Instagram. Whoever they were, they posted an Elon-Musk-Ethereum post while I was asleep, and then the same story. Before that, I had been noticing an awful lot of people following me, that I knew nothing about. This Russia-Ukraine cyberwar or me talking shit of the people in power, in the blog, I don’t know who it is but they definitely are doing a poor job. I did not have time to deal with it though, so I simply deleted the post and deactivated my account. I am becoming popular on Reddit lmao. Over this month alone I gained 3.5K fake internet points (called karmas on Reddit), not that that’s something to care about. I used to care about Instagram at a point though. I am going to plan for April the next Sunday (April, 3rd). Let’s see how April goes.
And yeah, I joined UP. It gives me a sense of belonging with a group of people where we are actually working against elitists/hoarders/capitalist giants of Pakistan. I know it is a slow, long struggle. I also know socialism can be wrong. But at the moment, I believe this is the truth. Like a strong theory, I have seen people criticizing it and then the same people siding with UP. Let’s hope we are able to create a better future. Living in a capitalist society and convincing people to eradicate capitalism is difficult. But I know that the soul of a human being always yearns for a rule of truth, stability of fellow beings and collective good in society. Socialism can usher that in. So … I am in.
Jb raj kregi khalq-khuda \ Jo me b hun or tum b ho
I set up a stall in NUST this month. Then another one, again this month but the concert got cancelled. An entrepreneur/solopreneur/businessperson whatever fancy name might you use, is not just words. That’s what I got to know this month. In the year 2020, I started and maintained a clothing brand called hudistic.com for the most part of the year. Today it exists only in the memories of some people. It was too fancy for real life and most importantly, I was too distracted to focus on it. In a class project now (Media Entrepreneurship), we have to design a business and I am bringing in those points that I thought and planned for hudistic. But apart from that, it was a failed venture. It did teach me some things that might be of value to you:
1. How to get stuff done on Fiverr, the best rates in the quickest time (I happen to be an impatient man, although I am trying to control it now)
2. How to make and maintain an eCommerce website on WordPress
3. Where to look for (inter)national wholesalers and delivery people, lowest rates, quickest shipping (I actually made a small directory of these).
4. Perseverance
These stalls I have started using the last two points. This blog I’m writing in is a manifestation of the second point, and I am sure someday in the future, I’ll use the Fiverr point left too.
And lastly, let’s write something about love, shall we? In one of my relationships in the past, I don’t exactly remember which one or how much time, but there was a person who used to say ‘Awais, I am afraid of all the love that you give me. I am not going to return it and that hurts me because... care deserves to be reciprocated’. Awais stuck, foolishly, because I guess it was one of my early teens' love. I was like “Ma’am, it’s me whose time and energy are being used. Why are you worried about receiving it? Just shut up and take it all”. Now … history is repeating itself keeping me on the receiving end. I can’t bring myself to trust someone who gives me all that I could ever want. Someone who keeps me away from porn and self-harm too. The only reason which scares me of her is … she’s a woman too. Whenever I accept to receive her all and start giving back, my mind pulls me back in, its natural attempt to save me, “This is a woman too Awais … they all lie and they do so very convincingly”. And then I get frustrated at myself, her, Allah, and anything that is in front of me at that time. Even now, as I write, this one is a dilemma that I haven’t solved yet. Am I being Paranoid about my Jigsaw, or are girls/women all the same and my mind is actually right?
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