Hustle Culture

I want to go back to my room, and lie there on my bed. Since this morning I tried my best to study. I even did some until sleep took the best of me and in the library; I took a nap at 11. After what seemed like a minute, I woke up around 2:30 pm. Now I have to walk 30 minutes in scorching heat to go do mess. OR I can skip the mess and not eat lunch. Both of the conditions are unbearable. On one hand, I am hungry. On the other, I have no energy to walk all the way to Hajveri (hostel) for lunch. I have 39 RS in my Easy paisa and 55RS in HBL. With this combo of 94RS, I do not feel like going to any café to have lunch either.

Since last night I have been fighting with this “supposedly” love. I do love her but I have become bossy and controlling. She tolerates way much, in fact around all of it. But last night, she gave up. Just a few moments ago now, she contacted me to see if I have had lunch. I told her to fuck off like she, by herself, did last night. She replied that she hoped I would have become better by now. And that she’ll be waiting no matter how long I take to ‘snap’ out of this phase.

Dad called. He said long hair only suit people who have a grade 20+ job and that anyone who keeps long hair before that time is Changar/Mirassi. He will call tonight on a video call to see if I have cut my hair or not.

I have 5 upcoming deadlines for the midterm in the next two weeks. I have to get a pair of sandals because to comfort her, I lied to my mom that I already have bought sandals for summer. Now she wants me to wear those on Eid, coming a month later. My laptop’s screen needs replacement. And some other things that are in my grocery for which I have been asked by Allah to do Sabr, and by society (you and others like you) to Hustle.

I probably will never get this opportunity but if I do, not one boy or girl in his or her teens is going to be in my position. I swear on my life, that if need be, I will physically murder the less-than-1-percent elite capitalists of Pakistan who put me and a million others like me in this condition where we have to pay them lacs to study and get a degree and then have no job security, We have to look after our siblings and convince our parents of the change in the world (dad still believes laptops is for gaming only) and take care of their and our health because education, health, food, water, fuel and security, everything has been made to-be-bought by these hoarding capitalists. And using motivational shit, they have actually made us feel like we deserve this struggle and hustle. Grinding has been glorified when at the same time, the son of a fucking army general can drive Ferrari over civilians and get away with it, or a Civil bureaucrat (Public Servant lmao) can go fuck anyone in their ass because he got money. They made us believe that grind is right. I promise today to shave every single molvi’s beard, myself, no matter how famous that Hazrat Molana Bitch might be, who owns an i-phone and tells me to practice “Sabr”. Sell your stuff and help the poor. Live like the Prophet PBUH did. Be an example.

The worst I can do right now is to go back to my room, repair things with Lisha, watch some porn and fap and then sleep while watching Blacklist. Then wake up to have dinner and go out to play basketball. The best I can do right now is to complete my to-do list, go back to my room, do dinner and go out to shoot some videos of stray dogs roaming around in NUST, which are shot by the administration (because they are deemed a nuisance to the rich sludge community). I am doing a class assignment on this issue. I don’t know what I will take but whatever way I take today, I totally believe that I am right. Not that I can't change my opinion with credible facts, but I believe as of now, I am not doing anything wrong. This is the best I can do. Fuck each one of you who thinks I “should” have done this or I “could” have done that. Fuck all of the Gen Z Paki teens in general because you oppose people who work for your betterment. I am no prophet so I don’t have that tolerance. If such a rant, such behaviour means that you will not believe anything else I say at other times when I am not hungry and angry, no worries. I will keep working. Fuck you.

2016. Only if I knew what I was heading into. Smile: look at the fucking confidence 😂